No one should misread this, I am not looking for sympathy. This is more of an apology for those who have to put up with me during this season. I have never done well with this time of season. The absolute worst parts, at least in reason years, is that there are no reasons for it coupled with it’s absolute predictability.
I have no reason to be depressed this year, or really for several years or the last decade really. I have a good people around me that are a good family. People who care about me both in real life and Second Life that are close to me that love me, that I could not see being without, even if I wish I could spend more time with some of them. These are people that are in stark contrast to the people, like my mother, where my most frequent Christmas memory of is of her saying “I’m sorry; I can’t leave him; maybe he won’t do it again” I actually look forward to seeing them. I look forward to picking out things for them and making things for them, all the while complaining and getting worked up because I worry that I am not going to do a good enough job and so I cloister myself and get sick to my stomach.
My life is good, and so I feel guilty about it. It happens every year. It’s a psychosis. I know it. The absolutely worst thing that happened this is .. well, nothing really. I mean, I got a promotion and a decent raise in an economy that others are losing their jobs in. What the frak do I have to compain about exactly?
This is what I am talk about? I have no reason to punish the people around me and why I don’t talk about it to anyone else. I’m sorry if I’ve been a jerk to you or worse. The good news is in recent years about this time of years I’ve been seeing a bit of a ‘clearing of the decks’ and by Christmas morning I can sort of enjoy myself.
Thanks for listening to me feeling sorry for myself, and I’ll try to be a better friend in the future (less emo-ish). In the meantime take a listen to my favorite Christmas carol